继【CLECSS 382】《简洁英语有三宝— 从简、标点、副词巧》后，CLECSS很高兴再度收到张南的投稿，讨论怎样让英文写作更加清晰流畅。各位CLECSS读者看完今天张南的文章，法律英语写作可以多试用句末“强调位”和句首“主题位”，看看是否更清晰流畅？
（作者：张南，CLECSS会员，美国纽约大学JD，纽约律师，任职某国际律师事务所）
去年有幸在CLECSS平台上分享了【CLECSS 382】《简洁英语有三宝——从简、标点、副词巧》，讨论了一些简洁写作的心得。而这次想要聊一聊清晰表达——在句子的层面，怎样准确的传递作者的意图，让读者有流畅的阅读体验。这一点对于法律写作尤为重要，因为法律文书的读者常常是繁忙的合伙人、挑剔的客户和虎视眈眈的对方律师，而讨论的问题往往是复杂而陌生的。理想状态下，我们期待读者会拿出一整块不受打扰的时间，从头到尾的研读我们的杰作。然而真实状态下，读者往往惜时如金，希望用最短的时间就能把握文章的核心，非常恼火于不够清晰的表达。
好在英美的写作专家在不断地研究清晰表达的技巧，而成果之一是在写作时，将重要的信息放在句末的“强调位”（stress position）以及将承上启下的信息放在句首的“主题位”（topic position）就可以立竿见影的提高句子的准确性和段落的可读性（参考文献见文末）。这个看似老生常谈的技巧却被专家认为是最多的英文母语写作者需要努力改进的地方。现在这个技巧在美国的学术界和法律界已经被越来越广泛的运用。
强调位 (Stress Position)-- save the best to the last
强调位就是一个语法结构的结尾处。读者潜意识里认为句末的信息最为重要，所以作者要把强调的重点放到这里。换言之就是 save the best to the last。
句号、分号、冒号和破折号往往意味着一个强调位的结束。但是逗号一般不会带来强调位，因为逗号的功能很多，有时候仅仅相当于汉语中的顿号，有时候仅仅是引导了一个插入语或者是同位语，并不能给读者明确的信号。
为什么强调位这么重要？学习英文口语的时候，与口音同等重要的是节奏，包括词汇的重读、语调、还有停顿等等。通过重读不同的单词，同一句话可以传达不同的重点。而没有节奏的口语则听起来很吃力。但是在写作中，没有重读，作者又要怎样把控节奏呢？主要是依靠停顿。由于英文非常注重句子的语法结构（比如说主谓宾结构）的规整，我们在读一个句子的时候会“屏住呼吸”主动的寻找完整的语法结构，直到找到了这个结构才会下意识的“呼出这口气”开始理解整个句子，同时产生一个停顿。而一个完整语法结构的末尾会自然而然吸引读者的注意力，这就是强调位的魔力。
让我们看一个反面例子：
As used in the foundry industry, "turnkey" means responsibility for the satisfactory performance of a piece of equipment in addition to the design, manufacture, and installation of that equipment. Company B agrees that this definition of turnkey is commonly understood in the foundry industry.在这句话中，不同的读者很难对作者的强调意图有一个共识。第一句话强调位上的信息是that equipment ，但是这个信息并没有什么太大作用。换句话说，这个强调位被浪费了。如果作者想要强调某一个概念，比如说satisfactory performance, 那么这就不是成功的写作。
当我们将句子中词汇的次序颠倒一下
As Company B agrees, the foundry industry uses the term “turnkey” to signify responsibility not only for the design, manufacture, and installation of a piece of equipment but also for its satisfactory performance. 强调的明显是satisfactory performance调整一下
Company B agrees: The foundry industry uses the term “turnkey” to signify responsibility not only for the design, manufacture, and installation of a piece of equipment but also for its satisfactory performance. 强调的就是Company B和satisfactory performance再调整一下
Company B agrees: The foundry industry uses the term “turnkey” to signify responsibility for a piece of equipment’s design, manufacture, and installation; but the industry also uses the term to indicate responsibility for its satisfactory performance. 强调的就是Company B和design, manufacture, and installation以及satisfactory performance这几种改法本身没有对错、优劣之分，关键是有没有忠实的反映了作者的意图。但是从中我们可以体会到强调位对于读者注意力的微妙影响。
承上启下的主题位 (Topic Position)
主题位就是一个语法结构的开头。因为读者潜意识里期望在句头了解句子的“主角”，以及找到和已知信息的联系，所以作者需要在句子的开头承上启下。
相对“启下”， “承上”更为关键，但却常常被作者所忽视。作者写作的时候对所有的信息已经了然于胸，所以比较倾向于在新的句子开始引入新的关键信息，但却忽视了读者其实没有同样清楚的背景知识，直接从新的信息开始阅读会比较吃力，同时最重要的信息没有放到句尾也浪费了强调位。
一个反面的例子是（剧透：很难读）
The case is not so much a contest between the United States Department of Justice and the two defendant companies as a skirmish in a broader battle over the direction American economic life will take in the coming year. The concept of the conglomerate corporation-not a particularly new idea, but one which lately has gained great momentum-is at the center of this struggle. The attempt of companies to expand through acquisition of other firms, while avoiding the antitrust problems of vertical or horizontal mergers, is one reason for the recent popularity of this concept. The resulting corporations have had none of the earmarks of the traditional trust situation, but they have presented new problems of their own.这一段文章难懂的一个原因是每一句话都加入了新的信息，但是没有及时告诉读者这句话和前文的联系，给读者一种很乱的感觉。下文中将有联系的单词用同样的颜色标注了出来，我们可以看出他们没有被放在恰当的主题位。
The case is not so much a contest between the United States Department of Justice and the two defendant companies as a skirmish in a broader battle over the direction American economic life will take in the coming year. The concept of the conglomerate corporation-not a particularly new idea, but one which lately has gained great momentum-is at the center of thisstruggle. The attempt of companies to expand through acquisition of other firms,while avoiding the antitrust problems of vertical or horizontal mergers, is one reason for the recent popularity of this concept. The resulting corporations have had none of the earmarks of the traditional trust situation, but they have presented new problems of their own.而这是通过将衔接上文的信息放在主题位后的改进版本。
The case is not so much a contest between the United States Department of Justice and the two defendant companies as a skirmish in a broader battle over the direction American economic life will take in the coming year. At the center of the battle is the concept of the conglomerate corporation-not a particularly new idea, but one which lately has gained great momentum. One reason for its recent popularity is the attempt of companies to expand through acquisition of other firms, while avoiding the antitrust problems of vertical or horizontal mergers. The resulting corporations have had none of the earmarks of the traditional trust situation, but they have presented new problems of their own.改正中式英语，不要浪费主题位
中式英语中非常常见的一个问题就是将形式化的语言放在句首，白白浪费了主题位。主要症状有这么几种：
不必要的惯用语和形式主语o The main purpose of monitoring network planning is to decide suitable well locations.
较佳： Monitoring network planning attempts to determine appropriate well locations.
o One can develop, expand, and debug the program easily in the future.
较佳： The program can be easily developed, expanded, and debugged in the future.
不必要的时间短语o Currently, there are more than 50 varieties of bulk pharmaceuticals produced in Taiwan.
较佳： More than fifty varieties of bulk pharmaceuticals are produced in Taiwan.（现在时态已经足够）
不必要的比较短语o In comparison with the conventional method, the proposed method spends less computational time.
较佳：The proposed method spends less computational time than the conventional method. （如果短语的目的仅仅是表明比较，不是连接两个句子或段落，则没有必要放在句首）
不必要的条件短语o In order to determine the acoustic pressure due to an ultrasonic transducer, we must solve the general equation.
较佳： Determining the acoustic pressure necessitates solving the general equation.
主题位和强调位并重，让段落清晰连贯
将主题位和强调位的信息有效的链接起来就能形成一个信息的链条，会让读者更加顺畅的吸收信息。这种做法叫“已知—未知对比法”（The Known-New Contract）。下面例子中蓝色部分是主题位，红色部分是强调位。
• Accounts of depression evolved after psychologists introduced the concepts of defeat and entrapment. These concepts have been implicated in theoretical accounts of anxiety and suicide. Such theories…
在写作或者是修改文章的时候，我们可以留意一下重要的信息是否放在了强调位上，以及主题位上有没有承上启下，联系之前的信息，并加以调整。
修改前的例子
People are injuring themselves at home, work and out in public from slipping and falling. The material of the shoe sole, the material of the floor surface that the individual is walking across, and a contaminant, like water of oil, that may decrease friction between the two materials all contribute to slipping.第二句的强调位的内容和第一句话的强调位说的都是类似的内容，没有引入新的或者是重要的信息。而第二句话的主题位也并没有和之前的信息关联起来。
运用“已知—未知对比法”修改第二句后。
People are injuring themselves at home, work and out in public from slipping and falling. Factors contributing to slipping include the material of the shoe sole, the material of the floor surface that the individual is walking across, and a contaminant, like water or oil.进阶的修改技巧还包括将主语和谓语动词放在较近的位置；将含有过多重要信息的长句子通过冒号、破折号、分号分层，或者干脆分成几个短句子以创造更多的强调位。
修改前
The enthalpy of hydrogen bond formation between the nucleoside bases dG and dC has been determined by direct measurement. dG and dC were derivatized at the 5’ and 3’ hydroxyls with T groups to obtain solubility of the nucleosides in non-aqueous solvents and to prevent the ribose hydroxyls from forming hydrogen bonds.修改后
We directly measured the enthalpy of hydrogen bond formation between the nucleoside bases dG and Dc. dG and dC were derivatized at the 5’ and 3’ hydroxyls with T groups. These groups allowed us to obtain solubility of the nucleosides in non-aqueous solvents. In addition, this process prevented the ribose hydroxyls from forming hydrogen bonds.要强调的是，和之前文章讨论的简洁写作三宝一样，主题位和强调位只是写作的工具，而不是必须遵循的原则，需要灵活运用。比如说，主题位中包含的信息并不是必须来自于之前的一句话中，有可能来自于上一段或者是读者自己的背景知识，只要这些信息能够起到承上启下的作用。
最后非常感谢Simon对我一直以来的帮助，也感谢他给了我一个宝贵的机会和大家交流，错漏之处请大家包涵。谢谢阅读！
参考文献
Gopen and Swan. The Science of Scientific Writing. American Scientist Nov. 1990.(http://akbar.marlboro.edu/~mahoney/vhs/scientific_writing.html) Claus Wilke. Writing paragraphs that make sense—the topic and the stress position. The Serial Mentor. Sep 26, 2013 (http://serialmentor.com/blog/2013/9/26/writing-paragraphs-that-make-sensethe-topic-and-the-stress-position) George Gopen. The importance of stress: indication the most important word in a sentence. Litigation, V. 38, Number 1, Fall 2011(http://georgegopen.com/articles/litigation/litigation_2_stress_position.pdf) Ted Knoy, Editing for Chinese-English Colloquial Habits. PPT presentation. Making Complex Writing Intelligible with the Known-New Contract, Carnegie Mellon University, Global Communication Center (https://www.cmu.edu/gcc/handouts/Old-New%20handout%20.pdf) Stephen V. Armstrong and Timothy P. Terrell, The Art and Architecture of Paragraphs: Focus, Flow, and Emphasis, Part II, 23 Perspectives: Teaching Legal Res. & Writing 140 (2015).(https://info.legalsolutions.thomsonreuters.com/pdf/perspec/2015-summer/2015-summer-1.pdf)
